It was 1995 and R&B was just beginning its slow and tragic decline to be replaced by hip-hop. Then, along comes Jon B., the original sexy white guy with a ghetto pass. Now, Jon B. fooled a lot of people; I’m sure there are some who still think he was either Puerto Rican or real light-skinned. But it didn’t real matter, ’cause he was fine and he made good music. And we were all so sad when he left.
Just when I was starting to wonder how New Edition and ABC morphed into the Backstreet Boys, Justin Timberlake came out of nowhere with a ceasar cut. Wtf? Was Britney stopping him from wearing those RocaWear suits before? Justin was the new John B. and I for one was loving his lil’ sexy vanilla soul. But you all know what happened: we had to take his pass back after he exposed Janet’s titty and then sold her out. Boo, Justin. Boo. Everybody knows the Jacksons are royalty. Pass revoked.
So Jon B. keeps trying to make a comeback, but it’s not really working out for him. Thicke is definitely the new Justin, so I’m wondering why he isn’t jumping off? I know he’s Alan Thicke’s son and that’s kinda lame, but dang! Why can’t the man get a break?
I think Justin may have spoiled it for all the future caucasian crooners; the black community is not ready to let another white man into our lives. Justin broke our heart, and it’ll be some time before we can learn to love again. So Thicke, keep on trucking; a Coke commerical here, a TV theme song there… just do what you can for now. Someday, we may be able to receive you with open arms, but the scars are too fresh right now. Maybe you should sing about that, Thicke. Let us know that it doesn’t matter what that other man did to us. That you’re different. That you’ll treat us right.
Help us, Thicke. Help us learn to love again.