rotten apples.

By 20 Sep ’11Uncategorized

It’s a new season (not sure which one yet, though) and the change in temperature and environment always brings commentary and feelings of cleansing, purging and generally making different (and hopefully better) life decisions.  I was talking to a friend last night about the fearcitement of making such changes (we’ve both left/are leaving “traditional”  jobs for new opportunities) and the importance of surrounding oneself with people who are supportive and encouraging rather than negative and hindering.

It occurred to me during the conversation that getting negative people out of my life hasn’t really been a problem for me in a long time. Since the mass purging of my entire lifestyle and mindset (which was more of a reset than a purge) after switching colleges, toxic individuals haven’t really been an issue because they can’t stand to f@#! with me too hard in the first place.

I can count on one hand the number of friends/relatives/associates I’ve had to put on indefinite mute; incidentally they have all, either before or after my final interaction with them, been publicly confirmed to have issues. And every one of those relationships fell apart because I called them on their bullshit and refused to accept it anymore. The breakdown is always in the response that comes back.

The real key to purging negative people is not to go hard X-ing people you think have done you wrong. If you’re not really where you need to be emotionally yet, you could be reacting to the wrong feedback from someone who is actually trying to help you on track. Plus, that kind of pointed mission to delete folks can easily, and probably will, only put you in a more negative state of mind than you were before. Change your mindset, develop yourself, and let the chaff shake out as it will. Don’t worry, it will. The wrong kind of people hate to see you grow, and the more you develop, the more panicked and outwardly virulent they will become. Allow yourself to see and feel that happen — otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same pattern later because you’ve never really processed and identified the warning signs.

Let the bad fruit ripen a little before you toss it out. Call it aversion therapy. But please toss before they stink up your kitchen.

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